Honestly, truly, really. I am getting better. The pain of his leaving isn’t as intense. I genuinely think he’s such a selfish jerk that I wouldn’t even want him around. Most of the time.
But last night, I dreamed about him. The whole night, I had dreams that felt like memories. Not nightmares of him leaving, but dreams of us doing things together. Going to the university campus. Playing pool. Talking on the phone. The most vivid dream was of a phone conversation. We just talked, like normal. Like none of this had happened. I was visiting family back east. He was still in Alaska with the animals. I could hear his voice.
Now today, I’m in my new classroom. I’m seriously overwhelmed. There’s so much to do and I’m wanting to talk about it, complain, get encouragement. I miss that. There is really no one else in my life who can comfort me the way he could. Not necessarily because he was particularly good at it. But because he was my person. It was different coming from him than a friend or my parents. And with the dream feeling lingering, I’m really really missing that.