“New Beginnings”

I’ve had people “remind” me lately that this is the start of my new life, that these are new beginnings. Like it’s hopeful and fresh and the world is full of possibilities. And it really pisses me off! I’m not starting fresh. I didn’t just graduate or get married or go through a rite of passage that marks the beginning of the next step in the journey. I know that yes, this is another step for me. But I’m still picking up the pieces after he shattered my world. I still cry every day. I’m sad. I’m hurt. I’m scared. It’s not new beginnings. It’s one day at a time. It’s, “I don’t want to take any of these next steps – find a car, find a home, find a job… but I’m going to anyway.” I take the steps even when I’m too tired to move. I take the steps, even when I pause to weep. These are not new beginnings. New beginnings are happy moments. I’m just surviving.

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