For the past two days, I have had a feeling sitting in my solar plexus that I just can’t name. It’s dark, and heavy and just sits. This is the only way I can explain it:
X and I were bonded to each other for a long time. Thirteen years! We had many experiences and feelings that connected us. Each of those experiences and feelings created an imaginary bond. In my minds eye I see them like aerial silks. And while he seemed to be able to turn a switch and bring the guillotine down on all of his bonds with me, this has been a hard process of letting go on my end.
But the betrayal of the affair was a massive severing of those bonds. I think I’m feeling the ricochet of it. Like the severed bond sprang back and punched me right in the stomach.
And now I’m stunned by the impact of it. What do you call that feeling?