The Affair

In a million years I never would have thought he’d have an affair. He was a good person. He had a moral compass. He wouldn’t do that.

After he left me, my friend said, “Are you sure there isn’t someone else?” My therapist said, “Are you sure he isn’t having an affair? Maybe even an emotional affair?” I was adamant. He wouldn’t do that.

As he was leaving I asked if there was someone else. He was adamant there wasn’t. I asked if he was with B (B stands for Bitch, in case you weren’t sure). He insisted they were just friends.

But I was right. Before he left, when I warned that I thought she had a crush on him, I was right. When I asked if it was her specifically, I was right.

Today, because I was missing him, I checked his photography website. And there, on his most recent post, are a series of pictures of her from their bike ride in Denali. All my suspicions were right.

So, after the sobbing at the betrayal, I have come to two realizations. First, I have good instincts and really need to work on trusting myself. Second, he really isn’t a good person. Neither is she – what kind of person actively pursues a married man? They deserve each other. And after the honeymoon is over, they will just have each other, because people don’t want to be around cheaters. And that “missing thing” he said was there for the last 13 years of our relationship, will rear its ugly head in their relationship. Because the truth is that missing thing is something inside him.

Yes, I am beyond hurt and disgusted. But, I also feel like it’s easier for me to let go. None of this was about me. It was about him and his own shit. While I am working on growing stronger, he is running away. I know I’ve got this. I am proud of how I’ve moved through this crisis. And I’m proud of the choices I continue to make to move forward.